


Secrets

by Muffins17



Series: Through A Different Lens [2]
Category: The Walking Dead (Telltale Video Game)
Genre: AND I LOVED IT, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst and Feels, F/M, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I’ve already hurt myself just by writing this story, M/M, and Lee is narrating it, mostly because there’s this thing called procrastination, please don’t come at me with pitchforks, so keep an eye out for that, so let’s all suffer together, the ‘secrets’ are out of order, this is set in the same universe as Voice, this took me almost a month to write
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-15
Updated: 2020-06-15
Packaged: 2021-03-03 22:54:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,708
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24733489
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Muffins17/pseuds/Muffins17
Summary: This story is a little different than the one you were already told. It’s a story about secrecy. It’s about truth, its importance and the many ways it can hurt people when kept under wraps, about sharing and finally confessing the truth.
Relationships: Carley/Lee Everett, Clementine & Kenny (Walking Dead), Clementine & Lee Everett, Kenny/Sarita (Walking Dead), Lee Everett/Kenny, Lee Everett/Lee Everett’s Wife
Series: Through A Different Lens [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1788490
Comments: 8
Kudos: 15





	1. Secrets

........

Huh? Oh, hey there. I’ll be right with you, hold on a sec... There we go. Alright. Come on in, sit down. Okay then. So you’re here for my side of the story, huh? Well, sorry to disappoint you, but I’m pretty sure you got everything just from viewing the events in... 

Oh? Wait, you...oh! You mean from that other story you got about what happened to Kenny and how he got where he is now, right? Yeah, I know of that one. You want to know about what happened at certain points where you weren’t looking, right? I mean personally I think some things are meant to be left unsaid, but you know, curiosity can get the better of a lot of people, so I guess I’ll have to fill in the gaps. 

This story is a little different than the one you were already told. It’s a story about secrecy. It’s about truth, its importance and the many ways it can hurt people when kept under wraps, about sharing and finally confessing the truth. Okay, here we go. 

You’ve already seen how my story started; you know, being that one teacher who killed a guy for having an affair with his wife, then the world ended, he adopted a child, and used this as a chance to redeem himself, even if it meant he died protecting her, you know all that. Why don’t we go a little ways back? 

So this might sound a little weird, but for as long as I can remember, I was very good at reading a person’s eyes. For whatever reason the ones that were easiest for me to read were brown eyes, which is part of why I liked them so much. I mean, it’s not that blue or green eyes were hard to read, it was just that, to me, the darkest eyes just, I don’t know...shine the brightest, show how their owners really feel, what they like and don’t like, or what makes them happy or sad or angry. To me, a person’s eyes are like windows, allowing you to see them...uh, that’s a little weird to say out loud, heh...but it’s the best way I can explain it. They were the only kind of people I thought were attractive when I was a teenager, and at the time I didn’t know why. 

Though, now that I look back, I think what I was really looking for was someone who had strong passion and loyalty. You know, the kind that love to talk for hours about what they were interested in (because I certainly am not one of those people who loves to talk about the Civil War) - _ahem_ , we’re getting off topic here. Anyway, the core trait I looked for was the loyalty that both partners in a relationship should share. I figured that if I showed that I was devoted to my life partner, then they would show it back. I mean, even if they didn’t have brown eyes, I could at least have that passion, loyalty and support I so longed to give and receive. 

And at the time,  _Faith_ , who later became my wife, fit those qualities perfectly. Not only did  _she_ have such soulful eyes that I could stare into and easily get lost in, but they held that light of absolute devotion and passion that would spark every time she talked to me. I can still remember thinking these exact words,  _I’ve found her_ and  _she’s the one_ ,  you know, all those cliché, sappy lines you hear from characters in a romance story...oh, whoops, that kind of slipped. 

On the day I proposed to her, the last light of the sun setting over the horizon, on a jetty by the beach, one of her favourite places in the world, there hadn’t been a hint of hesitance when she accepted, those happy tears pouring from her beautiful amber eyes... 

Those eyes, goddammit... Even after all these years, I still can’t forget them... and I’d be lying if I said I didn’t still miss seeing them everyday...

...That was six years ago, yet it feels like it only happened yesterday. I knew her devotion had died as soon as she began travelling for her work. We were being driven so far away from each other, and somehow I already suspected she had given up her loyalty for someone else, even before it all came crashing down as soon as I opened the door and saw her with... _him_.  It was all a blur, then I heard her scream and the breaking of glass, I looked down to see that I’d shoved the guy’s throat into the broken glass window, his blood was all over my hands...

_I_ had done that, and I had to pay the price for it. 

_That was the first secret. Even though I knew about it, she still never said a word about it to me, and in the end it hurt us both._

I then knew she was never ‘the one’ I believed her to be, as I stared down at the handcuffs on my wrists. That hurt, that anger, that...betrayal. It was nothing I’d ever felt before. She’d hurt me in a lot of ways, but then again, so had I. I’d wanted a family with her, but she didn’t share that same wish, nor did she have the time for that... and she wanted to travel, but I didn’t want that either, because that’s what kept us so far apart in the first place. It made us fight, it made us unhappy, and then we were apart, but this time for life; she was likely in Virginia by then, while I was in a police car, on my way to prison, a fitting place for a murderer. It was because of her - no...no, it was because of  _both_ of us - that I couldn’t talk to my family again, that I couldn’t see them again before their untimely deaths.

“Regardless...it could be you just married the wrong woman.” I know, it’s amazing how I can still remember those exact words from that officer. Probably because it struck a major chord with me. 

_Or she married the wrong guy_ , it was on the tip of my tongue, but either way, I was still the one being put behind bars for the crime I committed. 

...Well, I would have been, had that police officer driving the vehicle paid attention to the road, where a wandering pedestrian (or at least that’s what I initially thought) had been shambling across. That was the day the world ended, the day I escaped my life sentence, and the day I met Clementine, my little sweet pea, my one chance I had for redemption. 

——

Not even a couple of days after getting arrested, hell, not even thirty-six hours into the apocalypse and I already had my group, and... well, I might have accidentally grown fond of someone else who met all my standards. Two people actually, but they’ll come up later. 

So, for obvious reasons, I’ll start with Clementine. That girl was a puzzle, and a smart cookie as well. Despite what people say, kids are smarter than they’re given credit for. She was very attentive to what was happening around her, which she demonstrated when that news reporter and I were talking in the drugstore office. Though, she was still innocent, unaware of what became of her parents, leaving only myself to answer to her. Except...I couldn’t. I either changed the subject or I just...lied to her. I flat out lied to her because she wanted me to tell her that everything was okay to make her feel better. But it was mostly because I didn’t want to hurt her. 

_That was the third secret...a secret I was forced to keep. The only secret I didn’t feel I could bring myself to tell her, for fear of seeing her hurt._

_My killing of the senator was the second secret, a secret I dreaded to tell for fear of losing the trust of the people I was close to, the only people who knew being Clementine and three others._

Okay, onto the next pair; Lilly and Larry Caul. Lilly was very hard-headed, brash, and a little overbearing to the rest of the group. Taking risks was a very strict no-no because of the possibility of harm or even death being brought upon everybody else, and bringing in new people increased the number of mouths to feed. She was strict about keeping everything in order. Though, the reasons she had for doing so, I understood. She prioritised her father and his health above all else, but she wanted everyone else to be safe, which was far from an easy task. 

Her father on the other hand... Larry was the equivalent of walking across a mine field, so much so that you had to be extremely cautious with your choice of words and actions, lest they blow up in your face. This was especially true, considering he was one of the only people who knew of my felony. Now, of course the only person he ever shared that with was his daughter, but if I treaded in the wrong place at the wrong time, he’d have no doubt outed that secret to everyone, so most of the time with him, I only ever spoke when spoken to, which was thankfully not very frequent. 

Now this next one...well, I guess it couldn’t hurt to talk about  _him_ now, could it? Yeah, when I say  _him_ , I mean one of the two people I might’ve...-ahem- ‘accidentally grown fond of’. Didn’t expect that, did you? Completely out of the blue, I know. But this is a story about secrecy, so I’m just going to warn you of the confusion this next part might spark up. 

When I first met _him_ on that farm, _Kenny_ had this bright flicker in his big, hazel brown eyes that I felt drawn to in a way that I hadn’t before, even when Faith and I were still together. Maybe it was because he had this very excitable, very energetic, fierce, passionate fire in him. And holy shit, the guy was _beaming_ when we started talking after we exited the barn, the conversation going from how I stumbled upon Clementine, to how he and his family got through the city, to getting onto a boat if this outbreak got too bad. Kenny was a strong personality, so strong he fit into the category of unwavering loyalty and trust that I’d had been missing for so long.

But...some things just...weren’t meant to be. 

Kenny’s heart belonged to another; to Katjaa, his beautiful, beloved wife. She was a kind, humble soul who was never one to hold a grudge. Not only that, but they had a child together as well; Duck. He was loud, hyper and a little annoying sometimes, but he was a good kid. His parents raised him right. 

_That was the fourth secret, kept quiet for fear that the one I loved would never look at me the same way again if he ever found out._

Because of that, I thought it best to keep them under wraps without the need to bring them up. Though, even if these feelings weren’t returned, I still cherished the friendship we had and I wasn’t planning on letting it go anytime soon. 

But that wasn’t what truly mattered right now. On my list of priorities, looking after Clementine while she was in my care took the top. Romance and unrequited love weren’t really things people would have the time for while there’s an epidemic going around, while people were dying and eating each other alive. 

Although, that didn’t stop me from looking a certain news reporter’s way. _Carley_ was an...interesting one. She was cute, good with handling a gun, and a little funny when it came to battery related things. Like Kenny, she was also an active and strong personality who wasn’t afraid to freely speak her mind (the only difference being that she, well, actually thought before she acted), would hear no nonsense, and showed undying trust and loyalty every step of the way, despite knowing that I was a convicted felon. It was something we could work at, something we could push through together. I... couldn’t get my hopes up that easily though, not like I blindly did last time, with _Faith_. 

—————————————————————

So I’m guessing you want to know what happened during those three months we were settled at that Motor Inn, right? I mean you’d think that in that amount of time, there’d be progress in things getting better. Well, honestly looking back, I thought that since the kids were dealing with this situation their own way, that the rest of us could have done the same if we weren’t so highly strung. 

For a majority of the time, it was the same routine; wake up, eat, go hunting or on a supply run, come back, sleep, rinse and repeat. The only thing that made a difference was when we made another addition to our group. 

Mark had been holed up in a commissary storage closet at an Air Force base that had been overrun. Because he had food and other supplies with him, Lilly allowed him to stay. He was always willing to help around the motel, however and whenever he could. Though he was a bit too talkative when it came to discussing our opinions on how things were being run at the the Motor Inn, especially when it came to Larry’s distrust towards me. With a trait like that, it would be near impossible for me or anyone in our circle to trust him with keeping quiet about some things that shouldn’t be heard. 

The rest was a different story. During the first three months, we all learned something new about each other. 

Clementine loved reading books and acting out her own stories she created in her treehouse. Now, just telling you this makes me feel like I’m talking about myself, because I spent most of my time reading history books as a kid than I did any other activity, like playing sports or tag like the other kids did. She’d probably have become an actress or an author one day, had our situation been different. I’ve sat down with her a few times with a journal and a pen to teach her how to write her own stories, and her eyes just lit up like a cartoon character. Duck tried to join in, but he got bored very quickly. Sitting down, listening and learning something new wasn’t for everyone, I guess. 

Kenny and Katjaa’s story of how they met was an interesting one. Apparently, Kenny came into the vet with a sick octopus one day, and Katjaa was the one to make the first move. I almost envied how easy it sounded coming from them, how much better they were at keeping their relationship together than Faith and I had...and how  _they_ had each other. 

Nothing in the universe was fair, but that’s just how life worked. Not everything in the world was going to be all sunshine and rainbows, especially not now. But that didn’t mean we couldn’t make up for the bad parts of life with what little good ones we had left. 

Carley was still having nightmares from the drugstore, but I’d been doing anything and everything in my power to help her get better, staying up late to help her sleep at night and making sure she was well fed and functional in the day. She’d been doing a lot better than she had several weeks ago, and I felt achieved knowing that I’d done something to help someone I cared about. 

And little did we know that all of us would be doing the same thing for each other after the incident at the St. John Dairy...

—————————————————————

Every time Kenny and I went on a supply run, he would try to find every possible way to get me to talk. Whether it was repeating a subject that we’d already discussed, or talking about our lives before the apocalypse started. It was like we couldn’t have even a minute of silence. Kenny always seemed to want to talk to me, and I loved talking to him whenever I got the chance. But I especially loved seeing that fire in his eyes when I talked about what I did before this shitstorm happened. Some days, I ended up talking so much my voice gave out and I had to rest my vocal chords for the rest of the day. Now, you haven’t heard how my voice sounded when it cracked, but when it did...well, if you’ve ever heard the honking of a goose, that’s what it sounded like. Kenny was (literally) on the floor cackling for about half an hour the first time.

No, my feelings for him hadn’t gone away. In fact, they only seemed to escalate the longer we were at the Motor Inn, and the closer Kenny and I got. Even with the knowledge that he was married, I couldn’t stop my heart from pounding loudly in my chest every time I saw those eyes light up, every time we’d playfully shove each other as we walked back to the motel, every time we laughed at a stupid joke or story that was told, every time he smiled. God, I didn’t ever want that smile to leave Kenny’s face, or that spark to leave his eyes. 

His eyes... I noticed there was something else in those deep hazel orbs whenever we sat down together and talked. Sometimes he’d lean in close as if he was listening intently to what I was saying, or maybe he didn’t hear what I was saying at all. I tried to ask if he had something to tell me, but he turned it down and changed the subject every time. I knew there was something different in those eyes, and that it wasn’t there three months ago.

Sometimes when Carley and I talked on the balcony, she would catch me staring at Kenny working on the RV, and she would just smirk. I still had feelings for her too, but they weren’t as strong as the ones I had for  him . Carley probably already knew about it from the start, as she made it clear time and time again that she could see things happening from a mile away. 

But... 

“You’re a convicted killer.” She was blunt as she brought  _it_ up once more, reminding me of  _it_ again, the very thing I didn’t want to remember. The very thing I was terrified of people finding out about from someone that wasn’t me, and breaking the trust anyone had in me, never seeing me the same way again. 

Honestly, it was  _unbelievable_ how many anxious thoughts were swimming through my head at that moment. You know, things like  _What if Clementine doesn’t look at me the same way again, even if she only partly knew but thought that it was a walker but it wasn’t? Oh god, what will Kenny think? Even if we had to kill a man in a meat locker to ensure everyone’s safety, but this was before we had to make these kinds of decisions! Will Katjaa ever see me differently than she does now? ...But I have to tell them now, or else Lilly will tell everyone. I mean, Larry has to have told her, right? _

All these thoughts had me driving myself up a wall, but I couldn’t let them consume me before anything happened yet. I had to get results.

So I did. 

Clementine already partly knew, but she understood what I‘d done. 

Kenny didn’t care - after all we’d been through, it didn’t make a difference whether I killed someone or not. 

Katjaa didn’t want to know - well, of course not. Who would want to know the motivation behind a crime like that? It wasn’t justifiable in any way, shape or form. All she wanted to know was what had happened in the meat locker with Larry. I told her, and...that look in her eyes was what could only be described as though she’d lost something...or  _someone_ she loved...and this was before the events later that night even happened.

It just seemed nowadays as Kenny and I got closer...I couldn’t help but notice how distant he and Katjaa had become since the Dairy. They fought more often than before, over the excessive use of guns and the horrible conditions we’ve all had to adapt to. Sometimes I wondered if maybe...maybe they were keeping their own secrets from each other, and it was hurting the other. 

_... Everything keeps changing...but it’s the way it’s got to be. _

And Lilly... 

She got what she deserved. 

Lilly took  _her_ from me the night we lost everything. Shot Carley right through the face in front of all of us because her paranoia and distrust got the better of her. And then she had the audacity to try to tell everyone that I was a killer when she just demonstrated that she could do the same thing again if we kept her with us. I wanted to hurt her, and I was close, but...I couldn’t. I’d be no better than I was on that day... We left her there, on the side of the road, for the safety of our group. Things only continued to get worse from there. 

Duck had been bitten during the raid. Katjaa was going to try to look at it from a medical perspective, to see if it was able to be cured. But that was just delaying the inevitable; her son was going to die, and she slowly came to realise it as we rode the train towards Savannah. 

Kenny, on the other hand, stubbornly refused to acknowledge his son’s unpreventable death. He was in denial, but only because his guilt from that day on the farm still haunted him, believing that this was karma for not saving Hershel Greene’s son from the walkers. I considered my options, and convinced him that it wasn’t his fault with just my words, which I was surprised actually worked, considering the aggression Kenny displayed and the limited time his son had, but I kept my patience. We didn’t need to resort to violence to get our way, especially not now. 

—————————————————————

Katjaa took Duck into the woods, but not before turning back to her husband, her expression was one of despair. 

Kenny’s voice broke, “...I can’t...”

Katjaa had stolen a glance at me, stared me dead in the eyes, expression unchanging, her eyes... _screaming something_ at me, something bad, but I didn’t know what. 

“Lee, be with him?” Then she left. 

At that moment, I never knew what Katjaa truly meant when she said that, but now, as I watched my best friend weep over her corpse, I realised it too late; she had let Kenny go. And not just her husband, her son, Clementine, and myself as well. 

_That was the fifth secret. Katjaa had been suffering in silence as the world around her changed, and the last bit of hope she had left, her son, was being taken from her, and she just...couldn’t live in a world like this._

We didn’t leave immediately once we got back. Kenny had gone into the boxcar, confining himself to a corner. Clementine had been the first to approach him, which I’ll admit shocked me a bit as I watched the normally shy girl envelop Kenny in a hug. I joined them a moment later, and while I made sure my own went unnoticed, all of us shed tears of grief; Kenny for his wife and child; Clementine for her friend and guardian; and even myself for not only Carley, Katjaa and Duck, but also for my brother and my parents, who were long gone now. 

—————————————————————

That night once we reached Savannah, I later found out, Clementine wasn’t innocent of keeping a secret either. There was someone on her radio that we long believed to be broken. He told her that he had her parents, and I knew this meant trouble; that she was listening to this man, and he knew she would do anything to see them again. 

_The seventh secret. The secret that would eventually lead to more pain, more deaths of people we cared for. I never blamed her for it, and I still don’t now, but she did._

The three of us retreated back to that same corner in the boxcar to sleep, ready to venture into the city in the morning with everyone else. 

Kenny was sat next to me whilst Clementine was sleeping in my lap, her soft breathing and the crickets chirping loudly outside being the only sounds in the night. 

Then suddenly Kenny sighed, scooted closer, rested his head on my shoulder and said, “Talk to me.”

I shifted a bit, but before I could even ask what I should say, Kenny answered for me, “Anything; tell me more about you, tell me a story, sing a song, I don’t fuckin’ care. Just talk to me...  _Please_ .” 

That tone was one I’d never heard nor expected to hear from Kenny before; begging, and it was more than enough for me to start. I talked about my childhood, how I was the odd one out when it came to my family’s business and my own interests in writing and history. I talked about the stupid shit my brother and I got up to and the pranks we’d pull on each other. It was only when I started talking about how I met Faith that Kenny began to cry once again, and I stopped. 

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have-“ 

“No, don’t stop,” he sobbed, squeezing my hand weakly, “Please,  _please_ keep talking...”

My heart ached with empathy, hesitating for a moment, then I eventually continued my story until finally, Kenny fell asleep, his tears soaking into my shirt. 

Those tears... they weren’t supposed to be there, streaming from the usually bright, hazel brown eyes where the fire I so admired once burned with life. Now they were dark and hollow, that spark in them having long been extinguished since the deaths of his wife and son. 

I glanced ahead of me at the corner where a certain teenage boy was sleeping. I grit my teeth and glared. That fucking kid. Since Ben had told me that he was the traitor all along, for obvious reasons, I felt immense anger towards him for all the horrible shit and pain his actions had caused; fleeing the motel, Carley’s death, Lilly’s abandonment, Duck and Katjaa’s deaths, Kenny’s pain. How much I fucking hated seeing my best friend, my  _beloved_ cry because of what this boy had done, no one would understand. 

But...I didn’t hate Ben for that. Not at all. In fact, I could actually understand the fear that plagued him. 

_ That was the sixth secret; the horrible weight of guilt for the deaths he’d caused, for fear of what would happen if anyone found out ,  if Kenny found out. _

I could truly empathise; I’ve been there before. In fact, I still  _am_ there... so many damn secrets. 

I still hadn’t told Kenny how I felt yet, but now wasn’t the right time for that. Kenny was still hurting, still grieving, and we had to go out to find a boat the next day. I couldn’t...I couldn’t do that to him. That would just be adding more shock and stress and pain to the pile. 

Only once we were in a safe place, and when we had all the time in the world to ourselves, I would tell him. It would be the most appropriate time and place for that. But it was only a matter of time before everything went downhill. That time was limited and it had to be soon. 

—————————————————————

The time and place right now was far from appropriate for Ben to confess his betrayal to Kenny; walkers coming in from all the doors, the tension and sheer panic from us trying to get away from them alive. The fire that sparked in Kenny’s eyes as soon as Ben trailed off...it wasn’t that same passionate, excitable one that I grew to love, but a fierce, searing inferno of anger and hatred towards the traitor, a power strong enough to kill. I could feel that power from him, as Vernon had, as we both tried to hold him back from lashing out at the boy.

I knew that what Ben did was stupid, and how badly the events that followed had hurt us, and sure, he was unreliable to look after Clementine at times, but I never believed he deserved to die for it. I knew I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I let him fall from the bell tower, with the knowledge that a kid’s death would be my own fault. 

Needless to say, Kenny was not happy with my decision to save Ben, but that didn’t matter to me. Just because I loved him, didn’t mean I would do anything to gain his favour. I made my decisions based on what I felt was right, and most of those decisions just happened to involve Kenny and his input. This choice, however, was mine and mine alone, and I chose to save a life rather than end it. 

Clementine was concerned for Ben’s wellbeing, and about where they would go once they got the boat working. But most of all, for if we had the time to look for her parents. 

This...this couldn’t go on any longer, the secret I’d been avoiding for so long, the harsh truth I’d tried so hard to keep her from facing... 

But I knew that no matter how many times I lied to her, she would just keep asking and eventually see through them, so I told her, plain and blunt, “We can’t, Clem. I’m sorry.” 

Then it happened; the waterworks burst free, the worst possible thing she’s ever had the misfortune of facing, and I for having to break to her the harsh reality of how things were and had to be. She couldn’t look at me, she didn’t want to hear the lie of “it will be okay” from me when it really wasn’t. Everything was a mess, and almost nothing could be done to clean it all up. 

—————————————————————

Clementine was gone the next morning, and that’s when it happened. 

The bite. 

All of the remaining years I had left to live, all of the time I had left with this family that I created with the friends I’ve had since the start of this journey were stolen from me from this one tiny scratch. 

I didn’t bother hiding it. There was no point in keeping another secret with what little time I had left, to get through the city, find Clementine and tell her everything; that I’m sorry, that she’ll be okay, and that I...no, not yet. Until I got her back from Vernon, I wouldn’t think of all that yet. 

Omid and Christa volunteered without hesitation to come with me, though Ben and Kenny took a bit more convincing. I knew what Kenny cared about; Clementine was our family, and one of the only people we had left, and she stood up for Ben when Kenny wanted him gone, so he had a chance to prove himself not only to Clem, but to Kenny as well. 

We ended up wasting our time coming back to the morgue through the sewer; Vernon and his group weren’t there, and the man on the radio turned out to be someone else, someone who manipulated Clementine into coming with him. Whoever he was, he was going to pay for taking her, for taking her from me, and wherever he was planning on taking her remained a mystery. Where he’d already taken her, though, that was a secret no longer. 

I knew the infection had already set in as soon as I passed out on the floor, so there was no point in cutting off my arm, as there was a chance I could die faster from blood loss. 

“Lee...” Kenny’s voice sounded pained, almost...broken, “You’ll _die_.” 

Yeah, I knew that. I knew, and it hurt me seeing that sad look in his eyes. But...there was that other look, too, a look that told me he had something else to say, like he wanted to tell me something important. I needed to know, but it had to wait for the moment. We needed to get out of the hospital. 

—————————————————————

The boat was gone, Ben and Kenny had lost their shit at each other, the safe house was overrun with walkers, my bite was getting worse, Kenny and I had both lost our shit at each other. So many things were going wrong, then quickly got worse as soon as they got better. 

We all had to jump across a balcony to another building. Ben unfortunately wasn’t so lucky, and ended up falling from the balcony and into an alleyway below. Kenny had been the first to go down to help him while I followed after. 

What we found was worse than we thought; Ben had been impaled through the abdomen on the balcony’s rebar, and he was stuck. Even the slightest movement and he could die, or scream to alert his current state to the walkers coming from both sides of the alley. We were trapped, except for... 

“Get the fuck out of here.” 

We wouldn’t be able to save Ben in time and to get back out alive, not unless Kenny put him down himself or died trying to get him out, and I knew sure as my inevitable death this bite would take me to that I wouldn’t let my best friend die down here. 

“ _Hell no_ , man! I’m  _not_ leaving!” 

“What did I just say?!” 

“Let’s get Ben and get out of here!” 

He... 

He wouldn’t let me, though. He pushed me through the gate, locking me in. 

I rattled the bars, “What the  _fuck_ , Kenny?!” 

“Lee...” he made that look at me once again, except... “Lee, it’s okay.” 

He still hadn’t fucking said it yet. I could tell, I could see it in his eyes, itching to get out. 

“No, Ken... no, it’s not!” 

Kenny smiled. Painfully, like...like he was saying goodbye. “It’s just somethin’ I gotta do,” he said, raising his hand and caressing my face, gently, longingly, “You know that.” 

I leaned into his touch, my hand touching his. This was it, I had to... “Kenny-“ 

I was cut off as his lips met mine, lasting only a brief moment before he pulled back, leaving me shocked and confused. _He...he just..._

  
_So_ that _was the eighth secret; Kenny felt this way about me just as I did about him. Why...?_

He winked at me with a smirk, “Go get that girl!” 

He turned towards the walkers and put up as much a fight as he could, while I shook the gate screaming his name. 

The next thing I knew, “OH FUCK! KENNY, PLEASE-!“ Ben’s scream was cut off by a gunshot, then I heard glass shattering, then nothing. No screams from Kenny, just the loud groaning from the walkers taking over the rest of the alleyway. 

_Kenny, I...I never got to...before he..._

I didn’t know he survived. I didn’t think he could have survived that. But the sound of shattering glass came to mind. The windows in the buildings. Maybe he did get away after all. 

_I never got to tell him, he didn’t let me...but he..._

I couldn’t. I couldn’t dwell on that now. I had a job to do, one last task to complete; find Clementine and get her someplace safe. 

—————————————————————

Tired, broken, hurt, I was fucking done. Done with all the bullshit I’ve endured since the start of this wretched journey. The people I lost; my family, my friends, the ones who died, the ones who abandoned us, the ones we were forced to leave behind. Every strike to these very fucking monsters that took them all from me was for them; for my parents, my brother, Duck, Katjaa, Ben, Kenny... all of them, to get to the very monster inside that building that wasn’t dead, but had still taken her and held her captive in there. He was going to pay. 

I cleaved my way through the sea of death and decay, the stench now seeping into my shirt. As I got closer to the hotel, I noticed a familiar station wagon out front. A surprise was waiting for me and I didn’t know it yet. 

—————————————————————

Several surprises, actually. One; this stranger was the owner of the station wagon that our group robbed in the woods. Two; Clementine was nine, her birthday being six days ago without her saying a word of it to me. Three; the stranger died of irony as the girl who ‘wouldn’t hurt a fly’ stabbed him in the shoulder with a cleaver and shot him in the face to save me from being choked to death. Four; the walkers’ stench on me made me undetectable to the rest of them, and it worked when I used it on Clementine to get through the horde outside. And fifth; Clementine was strong enough to carry me while I was unconscious through them all by herself. 

Only after...

“I...I... I saw my parents...” 

God, she was so delicate, and she was breaking so soon, so easily. “It’s a good thing.” 

“L-Lee, they’re dead...they really are.” 

“But now you know. You’re going to be sad for a very long time, but you know what happened to them. When we get somewhere safe, let it all out.”

The problem was that she dragged me into a jewellery store, locked us both in, not safe. We found another way out, around the back. I couldn’t move any further than the radiator, but she could. Behind that door was the exit, only it was guarded a walker, with both the keys and the gun on it. She could get those. 

She got them eventually, and almost died in the process, but she did it; bashed the walker’s head in with a bat, took the keys and the gun. She was ready, to go out into the world, to face it, to  _live_. 

“You’re strong, Clem. You... you can do anything.”  _I have faith in you._

“B-but... I’m  _little_.” 

“Don’t mean nothing... You’re going to see bad stuff but... it’s okay.”  _You will be okay._

“M-my parents...” her sobs broke my heart, “It’s so _horrible!_ ” 

“I-I can’t imagine, sweet pea.”  _But you’re going to be hurting for a long, long time._

“And now... _you_ _?!_ ... _Please_ _!_ Please don’t be one of them... please don’t become a walker!” 

_Especially when you have to keep me from turning._ “There’s only one...thing you can do. You know that.” 

“...I don’t know if I can...” 

“You have to shoot me, honey.” 

It hurt. Everything hurt; my body physically, my heart emotionally. I didn’t want this. Not for her, not for me...Goddammit, this was too soon. Too fucking soon for her to do this. 

She sat there, crying her eyes out, I could almost start crying myself. 

“Keep that hair short.”  _Say it._

“I will. I’ll cut it myself.” 

“Great, good. And also...”  _Fucking say it, dammit!_ I could feel my lungs beginning to collapse, but I wouldn’t let them, not until I say... 

“W-what? What is it?” 

I took a deep, quiet breath, filling my lungs with as much air as I could before they could fail, “No, don’t worry...Alright...” 

_Come on, don’t fail me now!_ “I-I’ll miss you...” 

“M-Me too.” 

As my eyes began to close and my organs began to die, I used the remaining oxygen in my lungs to utter those words I failed to say; to my family, to my best friend, to my  _daughter_. _“I...l-love...y...you...”_

A gunshot followed. No pain after. No more secrets. Just peace. 


	2. Epilogue (Optional)

I woke up again at the radiator, but this time with a light weight at my back and a soft brush of what felt like feathers around me. I saw them all again; my parents, my brother, all of my friends, everyone was here...but I noticed that some people were missing. 

Where was Kenny? And where were Katjaa and Duck?

I spent several minutes flying around, searching for them. Then I saw her, my sweet pea, sitting there on a log. She looked distraught, lost, scared and confused. I wanted nothing more than to wrap one of my new feathered wings around her, to hold her. 

And I did, but only in her dreams. She had a part of me, a fabricated version of my voice in her head, kept it safe, kept it alive. She knew exactly what I would say to her, and that version of me was her guide. That was all I needed to know that she was going to be okay in this world, and that she was going to be the next one to pass these lessons on to another, which she eventually did. 

—————————————————————

For the two years I stayed with her, I had no clue what happened to  _him_ ,  or why I never saw him, nor his wife, nor son anywhere in this... well, whatever this life-after-death is with everyone else that entered it. It was only when Clementine and her group arrived at the ski lodge, that I saw them; Katjaa and Duck, standing there watching  _him_ , Kenny, who was  _alive_ . Alive and well, with another girl, Sarita. 

I threw my arms around the spirits of Kenny’s wife and son, happy to see my old friends, who explained everything to me about how Kenny survived Savannah and found a new love. So I was right about him getting out of the alleyway alive after all. And don’t get me wrong, I was happy that he was okay, but I could tell he was still hurting. He hadn’t even told Sarita about his first family, but perhaps it was for the best. It wasn’t that he didn’t trust her or anything, but he probably just needed more time. 

Or...maybe not. 

They were taken against their will back to another community that had been tracking down the group Clementine was in, and in the end...lots of people lost their lives when they tried to escape, including Sarita. This caused Kenny to go down a dark path, and Clementine had almost lost him in that darkness. 

—————————————————————

Then a baby boy, Alvin Junior, was born, and I knew that Kenny’s sense of purpose had come back to life once more after the several beatings it had taken; losing Duck to a walker and Katjaa to suicide, losing the boat to Vernon, losing Sarita to the walkers, and almost losing AJ to some crazy girl in their group during a blizzard. 

Jane... what she did was despicable. I had no sympathy for someone who displayed such levels of deceit and manipulation to the people I loved. She got what she deserved and I hoped she stayed a walker until her body decayed into nothing. 

But she wasn’t what mattered to me, it was Kenny, Clementine and her eventual protégé, AJ. The community they were headed for, Wellington, was over capacity in numbers, so they couldn’t all get in, with the exception of Clem and the baby. Kenny tried to convince her to stay there, but she wouldn’t budge, not when she still had someone she loved that hadn’t died or abandoned her. 

If there was one thing I taught her during the three months I spent with her, it was to enjoy what she had while she still had it, and to treasure it forever. 

And she did. Clementine spent another two years, happily with Kenny and AJ, whom she eventually began to view as her own child. She was growing up, and I couldn’t be more proud of this once shy, quiet child, now a growing and confident young adult. She would raise that boy right, I just knew it. 

—————————————————————

At some point, Kenny had been thrown from the car they were driving and had sacrificed his life to a group of walkers to help Clementine escape with AJ. It may have been worth it, but he was stuck in that corpse now until someone shot him in the head. And when that happens, I still have some...-ahem- _“words”_ to share with him from Savannah. 

...Hm? Oh, don’t worry about the shovel. I won’t hit him too hard. Depends how much he thinks he deserves it. And don’t ask how I got a shovel in the afterlife, there are already enough questions about it as it is. 

And as for Clementine, well...she’s happy. Happier than she’s ever been for the past seven-to-eight years she’s been living in this world. She found this school called Ericson’s Boarding School for Troubled Youth in the woods, a place she could call her home, and she fought with everything she had for that home, she and AJ both. 

Of course, that home came with the cost of several lives, almost losing her own in the process, had AJ listened to her request to kill her if she got bit. But he didn’t listen, and I’m glad he didn’t, because now I know that all the sacrifices that everyone that cared about her had made for her hadn’t been for nothing. 

She may need more help getting around now because of the handicap for her leg, but it had been worth it. She had a family, a life partner, a home, and she’s finally started writing her own stories, like I suspected she would. That’s all I’ve ever wanted for her; a home and happiness, and now she had it all. 


End file.
